The day that I die...

So this morning, I was driving down Sprague, and flipping through songs on my ipod, when I saw the title "The Day That I Die" pop up on my deck. "Huh," I thought to myself, haven't heard this one in a while. So although I was in more of a Lady Gaga, or Lil Wayne mood, I stopped hitting the "next" button, and just listened.
I'm sure Ive mentioned this in previous blogs, but I will again, music is my thing. Any music, random music, music that makes me wanna take my hands off the wheel and close my eyes music. So when "The Day That I Die" began to play, my mind drifted from "head check, turn signal, clutch, gas," to "what would it be like, to know."
This song is about a man who wakes up one morning, and just knows that it is the day he will die. He says he takes the dog to the park, calls him mother, tells her he loves her. He says, it was the happiest day of his life. I wondered, if I knew...what would I do? I certainly don't think I'd take my dog to the park. And why on Earth would this day be the happiest day of my life?
This, I know I have mentioned before, how I basically have no specific faith, and am somewhat of a believer in all...and somewhat a believer in none. But yet, I wonder, is our day pre-determined?
Was Sami meant to die so young, or was it truly a freak accident? Did she have any clue what was coming? Death is something I am so interested in, yet I want nothing to do with it...I've always wondered, is there a moment, where you know? When you realize..."this is it." Or does it just come at you, totally unexpected...
I suppose I am a bit superstitious, but I have my mother to thank for that, because I always think things like, Don't say I didn't get the flu this year, because just because I said that, I will get the damn flu! Or don't think about that person dying, you'll jinx them and something terrible will happen. Yet I always wonder how my life would be if someone I loved died. I know its coming, we will all die eventually, but what if, like Sami, its at a completely unexpected time?
When my cat Snowball passed, I thought I'd never recover, as corny as that sounds. She was 18 years old, yet I had not prepared myself for her death in any way. One day, boom, gone, that was it. Yet, with my dog, Rosie, who was 14 years old, I prepared myself. I knew she was getting old, and I told myself, she won't be here much longer. And the day we said goodbye, I felt almost at peace with it. Although I am tearing up just typing about it, I know, that I had a not been prepared, I wouldn't even be able to type about it. To this day when I think of poor Snowball my eyes swell with tears and I can't seem to do anything but focus on not crying hysterically.
So it makes me wonder, would I want to know if today was going to be the day that I die?